How to Let Go and Cope After Divorce

Remember that movie, ‘Click’? The lead actor, Adam Sandler, plays the workaholic, family-man. During the movie, he attains a remote control that allows him to “fast-forward” through bad times during his life. I must admit, since watching the movie, there have been times that I’ve wished for one of those remotes – so that I could jump past the moments of mayhem in my life.
Where would the life lessons be, though, if we could fast-forward through the chaos to bypass the worries of life? Furthermore, what would happen to the valuable times to be had? Ultimately, we would miss out on either fun times or lessons learned.

The question remains:

“How can we let go and move on after a divorce?”

We are in this together. LET’S FIGURE OUT WAYS TO COPE.

Needless to say, going through an annulment is one of the most painful experiences anyone will ever face, even if you are the one that initiated it. I’m also sure most of us would confess to wishing past it, even if it meant bypassing the ‘good times.’ And when we don’t want to let go of the one we love, it can feel even more upsetting watching everybody else around you laughing at funny jokes, or snickering at sitcoms on the television yet you are going through the excruciating pain of a loss.
Here at It’s Just Complicated, we understand how scary, distressing and even confusing letting go after a split-up can be.

Letting somebody go can be achieved, believe it or not. There are steps we can take that will help our shattered self-esteem.

Take a Deep Breath and Grieve.

Divorce almost feels like going through a death in the family. Whether your divorce was unexpected or simply due to irreconcilable differences, allowing yourself to grieve is essential.

Find a Support Group.

Everything has changed – finances, time with the kids, relationships with in-laws and the friends you both shared at one time. Boost your confidence and rebuild your self-esteem by joining a divorce group. Create a new set of friends.
For example, after you write on each strip, I want you to crumble each and every damn one.
  • Damaged self-esteem prevents us from being open. Write down what was done to your self-confidence during your marriage.
  • You can’t have peace of mind with constant conflict. Write down specific arguments you both had that were not solvable.
  • Difficult marriages affect our kids. They think it’s their fault. In what ways does this pertain to your kids?
  • Did he chew with his mouth open? Did she sip her coffee loudly? Did he ever empty the trash? Did she smack when eating? Did he constantly bite his nails? Yep. Write it down.
  • Pick 3 events about how your feelings got hurt and write about it.
  • Did you gain weight during your marriage?
  • Did she cause you anxiety during your marriage?
  • Did he make you miss out on something BIG?
  • Did your relationships change negatively during your marriage?
You should have quite a few crumbled pieces of paper by now, after capturing your most memorable times of feeling absolutely rotten. Did it feel good to feel rotten? I say not!
Do one of two things:
  • Grab a lighter or a pack matches and burn every single wadded up piece of paper in your fireplace or firepit, then watch them burn.
  • Don’t have a fire-safe option? Use scissors to cut them into shreds. A shredder works great, too.
Celebrate your participation! This was a symbolization of letting go, and we couldn’t be prouder of you right now.

If you enjoyed this article join It’s Just Complicated today!


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