Good Riddance: How To Feel Better After Divorce

There’s this Victoria tradition. It’s called the “good-riddance party.” What a great idea for jump-starting a new beginning, despite whether you feel like it or not.

Here at It’s Just Complicated, we may not have the answers for break-ups with significant others, but we do know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though splitting up with someone you’ve been married to feels painful. What’s on the other side? Freedom. Relief. A new rhythm. Smarter beginnings. True love. Genuineness.

Don’t get us wrong. We know divorcees need to mourn. But there comes a time where you must move on after divorce. Are you having a tough time moving on after divorce? I thought so. We have some ideas that may help wipe away the D-day tears. Always remember that there was a reason that the marriage ended. For most of us, unhappiness took over at some point, whether it was dealing with the annoying disappointments, habits, or issues that just couldn’t be solved.

I have an assignment for you. Grab your favorite junk food. Dim the lights and light a candle. Turn on whatever kind of music makes sense with the emotions you need to be feeling right now.
  • If it’s confidence you need, try listening to Robin Schulz – Sugar.
  • If you are tired of looking back, try Beyonce – Best Thing I Never Had.
  • Angry? Miranda Lambert – Kerosene.
  • Still angry? Miranda Lambert – Mama’s Broken Heart.
  • Don’t forget to smile. Jimmy Cliff – I Can See Clearly Now.

Now, I want you to take some strips of paper – you decide how many pieces. Write down every single regret, worry, failure about this lost relationship. What did your ex do to cause damage to your soul?

For example, after you write on each strip, I want you to crumble each and every damn one.
  • Damaged self-esteem prevents us from being open. Write down what was done to your self-confidence during your marriage.
  • You can’t have peace of mind with constant conflict. Write down specific arguments you both had that were not solvable.
  • Difficult marriages affect our kids. They think it’s their fault. In what ways does this pertain to your kids?
  • Did he chew with his mouth open? Did she sip her coffee loudly? Did he ever empty the trash? Did she smack when eating? Did he constantly bite his nails? Yep. Write it down.
  • Pick 3 events about how your feelings got hurt and write about it.
  • Did you gain weight during your marriage?
  • Did she cause you anxiety during your marriage?
  • Did he make you miss out on something BIG?
  • Did your relationships change negatively during your marriage?
You should have quite a few crumbled pieces of paper by now, after capturing your most memorable times of feeling absolutely rotten. Did it feel good to feel rotten? I say not!
Do one of two things:
  • Grab a lighter or a pack matches and burn every single wadded up piece of paper in your fireplace or firepit, then watch them burn.
  • Don’t have a fire-safe option? Use scissors to cut them into shreds. A shredder works great, too.
Celebrate your participation! This was a symbolization of letting go, and we couldn’t be prouder of you right now.

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